Month: June 2016

Creating a Positive Long Distance Relationship

r20Relationships can be hard, but long-distance relationships bring a new meaning to the idea of what is hard in the relationship. The emotional, psychological, spiritual and physical needs of the relationship must be fulfilled in alternative ways. Long-distance relationships can be successful when they are cultivated on the art of communication and trust between the partners. Prioritizing your goals with your partner and speaking with them and making it known to others how you feel about them can help intensify your relationship.

So, what if you start to notice a breakdown in your relationship or you feel something lacking? There are things you can do, even from a distance to reassure your partner, you are in the relationship for the long haul.

Keep your Skype or phone call dates. Cancelling on your partner might imply to them, they are an afterthought or just an alternative if nothing better is going on. Keep your scheduled Skype/phone calls as you would a date. After all, you are dating your partner right? Make sure you inform your friends or family of your plans to spend the evening talking to your partner and that you are unavailable at that time. If you need to cancel for an emergency, let your partner know so they don’t feel stood up.

Communicate about anything and everything. Be honest about how you are feeling, share what you are passionate about and what activities you are currently involved in. Talk to your partner with video chat, instant messenger, email. Write an old fashioned letter to your lover as a surprise or a romantic gesture. Send your partner little gifts in the mail you think they would enjoy. It is the little things that let them know you are thinking of them during your everyday when you are apart.

Visit each other and never cancel them unless it is an emergency. Refusing to commit to an agreed visit or cancelling on your partner for alternative vacation can cause irrevocable damage. By staying committed to your visits, you will demonstrate to your partner your desire to be with them on an everyday basis in the future. If you no longer feel the relationship is working out or have some fear about visiting, discuss this issue with your partner instead of cancelling on them and lying about the reason. Resolving these issues can help you reevaluate and strengthen your relationship.

Split the costs of visits and discuss finances with your partner. If you live on opposite ends of your country or even the world, finances need to be discussed about visits and preparation for your future. Is your fiancĂ© from a country where they don’t make as much money as you? What are they trying to help pay for in terms of visits? What do you each expect from the relationship in terms of finances in the future? Discussing the financial aspect of your relationship helps to lay a foundation for future expectations, agreements and commitments that you seek in your partner.

Discuss where your relationship is headed and your common goals. This helps each partner to have a sense of what they should be working towards making your relationship a success. This is especially important in intercultural long distance relationships. What are you both seeking in life? What are your expectations? The natural conclusion should be that at some point you will begin to live together and even marry. Who is willing to relocate? Are you both willing to relocate to a mutually agreeable location? Finding a common ground between cultural differences is a key to success in intercultural relationships as it will prevent many arguments in the future.

Long Distance Relationships Can Work But You Can’t Be Lazy

r19Distance means so little when someone means so much.”

That quote should resonate within the mind and hearts of anyone currently involved in a long-distance relationship. Even if you are thinking about getting involved in one, that quote will save you a lot of time, which would have been wasted with doubts and uncertainties.

REPLACING THE MISCONCEPTION

This quote needs to replace the common mentality that “long distance relationships do not work” or even “long distance relationships are doomed from the start.”

With that type of misconception, it is no wonder why so many people seem to avoid this particular type of relationship all together. The problem is that the high number of failed long distance relationships seems to eclipse the growing number of long distance bonds that succeed.

The key to making sure that your long distance relationship succeeds is simple: hard work.

It takes hard work and consistent effort to keep the flame of a long-distance relationship burning brightly.

Yes, it is imperative to make regular visits in order to see each other whenever possible without making the other person feel smothered. However, that does not mean that you are off-the-clock when it comes to working on your relationship in between those face-to-face visits.

EVERYBODY NEEDS REASSURANCE

Your significant other is searching for the same thing that you are – reassurance. Reassurance that you still feel strongly about them. Reassurance that you are just as involved in making the relationship work as they are right now. Reassurance that you are going to do everything you can to make it work – regardless of the odds that claim it’s improbable.

Therefore, you need to put in the time, effort and hard work necessary to provide that reassurance on all levels. Why? Three reasons.

1) Law of Reciprocity: If you do it, chances are that he/she will reciprocate your efforts to provide you with the same level of reassurance.

2) Value, Value, Value: Who doesn’t want to feel valued and appreciated? Putting in the time and effort to make your relationship work – despite the physical distance that separates you two – will add value to your bond and make your significant other feel valued at the same time. At the end of the day, isn’t that what you want?

3) True Love is Cultivated over Time: A long distance relationship shares a major similarity with a short-distance relationship: true love needs time to develop. An unknown person once said that “true love doesn’t mean being inseparable; it means being separated and nothing changes.” This essentially goes back to reassurance – making sure that you and your significant other remain on the same page.

The Pros And Cons Of Long Distance Relationships

r18If you were to ask a few people around you right now about long distance relationships, they will tell you that they are the worst thing anyone could experience. But things are not quite as they say. As many other things, long distance relationships have pros and cons.

As an optimistic, I will start with the pros or long distance relationships:

    • You miss your partner – couples that live together often have one problem. They do not have time to miss each other due to the fact that they barely get alone time. They constantly see each other and sometimes this can drive you nuts. In a long distance relationship you get to miss your partner, his smell, smile, touch and many things.

 

    • You get alone time – despite contrary beliefs, me time is very important. In a relationship and outside of it as well. You get time to relax, do the things you love, go out with friends, stay with your family, study or simply watch a movie or a TV show that you love.

 

  • It’s a constant honeymoon – people who are in a long distance relationship know what I am talking about. While spending time with yourself is important, when you get the chance of meeting your partner is a constant honeymoon. You drink wine together and have long romantic evenings, you go out more for walks in the park. And not to mention that sex is better.

But there are also cons when you are having a long distance relationship:

    • Distance – ironic huh? But distance is your biggest enemy. You see your partner not as often as you would like and that can be frustrating sometimes. Especially when you hear your friends that they have a date on Friday and you know the only thing you have a date with is your laptop. Also you might feel like he can’t be there for you, especially through the dark periods of your relationship, because you only see his face, but he can’t hug you.

 

    • Tech is your best friend – as we do not spend enough time on our phones, a long distance relationship is based mostly on tech. You Skype, Facebook or text all through the day in order to communicate with your partner.

 

  • Things can get heated – if you are a rather jealous person you might get a little out of your mind in a long distance relationship. Mostly because you want to keep tabs on your boyfriend and if he is some miles away, you can’t.

Leaving Home To Be With Someone You Love

r17We have all been in love once or twice in our lives. And we all felt like moving in and living with the other person forever. Some relationships worked out, some have not. Despite that, we all had that rush feeling of leaving home for love. But is it the right thing to do? Are we rational when we take a decision that is tied with love or are we acting on an irrational base? When should anyone move out from their house and with their current boyfriend or girlfriend? What should you consider before moving out?

Here is what you should take into consideration before leaving home for love:

    • Age – before you even consider leaving home, you should ask yourself if you are not too young to do so. 16, 17 and even 18 can be considered too young to move out and be with the person they love. You will actually have to find a way of supporting yourself, financially speaking. No more let me ask for money from my parents or my parents will buy me that. Also, you should consider the age your boyfriend or girlfriend has.

 

    • Education – many girls are willing to sacrifice their education in order to move in with the boys they like, when in fact, no one guarantees you that the relationship will work out. Before you move out, ask yourself if you are eager to throw away all the years you spent studying, all your dreams and your whole future. No one says that you will never find a college or a university where you are moving or that you won’t be able to do school and job together, but questions can save you some trouble.

 

    • Responsibilities – are you ready to move in with your boyfriend, to cook for him, do laundry, clean the house, while going to school and have a job? Do you feel ready for the whole experience or do you simply think it will be amazing and that things will work out?

 

  • Distance – where are you moving? Is it far from your friends and family? If you are unprepared for the whole experience, not only you will hate the whole idea, but when things get tough, you won’t be able to meet your friends and complain.